Shit better: how to fibermax like a motherfucking pro

Sunday, September 1st, 2024, 17:44

Mood: Hyperfixating

Please don't mistake the content of this post that I am judging you for your eating habits. I am in no position in life to judge anybody for anything. I am a mediocre, mentally ill human being who thinks leaving my house is hard and that the highest pinnacle of art was the scene in the Sarah Silverman Show where Brian Posehn listens to "Two Princes" on repeat and lies about it. (Come on, that is the funniest moment in metal TV history!) If you want to eat nothing but meat, dairy, and ultra-high processed foods, you're good. I and the Spin Doctors will be continuing with business as usual.

The problem is that our generation has developed a huge problem--a big, collective pain in our ass, if you will. For Millennials and Gen Zs, colorectal cancer is on the rise. Rates are expected to increase by 90% in ages 20-34 by the year 2030, and rates have already increased by 51% since 1994. To minimize risk of colon cancer, experts have recommended at least 50 grams of fiber daily. The Mayo Clinic recommends a minimum of 25 grams of fiber daily. Despite this, the average American daily intake is only 15 grams. (Yes, this has become a hyperfixation for me. No, autistic people don't get to choose their hyperfixations. We just go where the spirit moves us.)

I assumed that my fiber intake was lousy. Despite keeping a vegetarian and dairy-free diet, I generally love junk food and eat like shit. I love pastas, mac and cheese, fries--let's face it, unless I am cooking for my family, and therefore responsible for the nutrients they put into their bodies, I eat like a little kid with ARFID. That is because I used to be a little kid with ARFID. This past Friday, I was interested to know what my fiber consumption looked like, so I broke it down:

1. Breakfast: a plate of fries, two servings: 4 grams
2. Lunch: a bowl of pasta, two servings: 6 grams
3. Dinner: a Saffron Road TV dinner: 7 grams
4. Dessert: a Clif bar: 5 grams

22 grams without really trying, eating like shit all day long. I was shy of the recommended 25 and definitely shy of that golden 50, but I was well past the 15 grams the average American eats. Why aren't Americans eating enough fiber? If our diets are to blame for increased incidence of cancer, why isn't this considered a public health crisis like smoking? I don't believe in individualizing the health problems that come from the American diet. Americans don't suffer with diet-related illness on account of individualized characteristics; I think that's just a lie we're sold so that we don't have to hold big businesses, our employers, and the food industry accountable for killing us.

Still, there is something to be said about reclaiming control of your diet. In addition to having ARFID as a kid, I was not raised in a household where cooking happened often; my mother simply worked too much and my biological father was, during my childhood, not a big cook. Learning to cook and understand the relationship between macronutrients and my physical health has been instrumental in my personal health journey and, as an autistic person, helping me overcome my food aversions.

That's why I'd love to help show you how to "FIBERMAX" (ugh, that's douchey, but it'll do) like a pro. Yes, you can get tons of fiber into your diet and still eat like a junk food little kid. It just takes a little extra time, care, and different ingredients than maybe you're used to. (Spoiler alert: it also takes replacing meat and dairy with plant-based sources of protein.)

Veggie Burger with Root Vegetables

Pretend that there's two whole hamburgers. I pregamed this meal with a snack because I got hypoglycemic before I cooked it.

A big reason, I think, people aren't getting enough fiber in their diets is the wide availability of convenience food as a solution to the problem of overwork. And I totally get that. I'm a busy mom with two jobs and, until recently, I used to have only one day off. I get in about 45hrs/wk, not to mention commuting and everything that The Country Brat needs. I am pleased to announce that this dish is entirely made with frozen food, except for the buns. That way, if you, too, are simply looking for a quick moment in between sobbing over the demands of capitalism to feed your family, all you have to do is pull this shit out of the fridge and flop it around for like ten minutes.

It's not only convenient, but pretty cheap as well. Let's say you're feeding four, and each have two hamburgers and a side of veg. At my local Meijer, that'd be two bags of veg at $3.49 both, eight burger patties for $7.99, and high-fiber low-carb buns at $4.99. That's $19.96 to feed four people, or less than $5 per person. Is it the cheapest thing in the world? No but, again, we're going for fast primarily. This is a dish you can put together in fifteen minutes--and like five of that is just preheating the pans--and honestly you can spend most of that time on your phone just keeping an eye on the food to make sure it stays normal.

Finally, the fiber count. This is going to get controversial. If you have two hamburgers and top them with pickled veg of some kind--I did sauerkraut; The Country Pat did kraut and spicy cucumber pickles--you're looking at 47 grams of fiber for the whole meal. This is because 36 grams alone is just the low-carb buns. This is controversial because, one, these are expensive and groceries are sky-high these days; and, two, the fiber in these buns is not "natural", i.e. in the same way that perhaps, say, beans naturally just have fiber in them. They're likewise a processed food that has been engineered to have insoluble fiber so that they taste like white buns but without having a ton of carbs. But, let's say you replace the buns with a whole wheat option that has, say, 3 grams per bun at half the cost. You're still looking at 17 grams of fiber for the whole meal, which is more than the average American gets in a day. If you multiply that by three meals, you'll hit 51 grams.

To be honest, growing up in a "we only do whole wheat here" household as a kid, white breads have always tasted strange to me. They're cake-like and sometimes even sweet. Adjusting to whole wheat is a great way to kickstart an improved relationship with fiber, without sacrificing the kinds of meals you enjoy.

Edamame and Avocado Bowl

If occasionally stirring some vegetables and flipping some hamburger patties is too much work for you, you can opt for this rice cooker meal instead. When I say that this meal requires incredibly little effort and can be fixed by even the most novice of cooks, I mean it. Don't believe me? Read the recipe I just posted. Seriously. As long as you can swish rice in water, cut an avocado into pieces, and season food to your desired preference, you can fix this rice bowl.

The star of the show here, both flavor and fiber-wise, is the entire fucking avocado that gets thrown in. A large avocado has about 14 grams of fiber, and utilizing brown rice and edamame adds another 6 or 7, for a total of 20-21 grams of fiber or so. The edamame is also a great source of protein, and one serving of this dish should yield about 10 grams of it.

Now, I will say that brown rice in "ethnic"--if you can call this dish "ethnic" lmao--cuisine has become very controversial lately. Black and brown communities face higher rates of diabetes, and Filipino-Americans like me are no exception. Indeed, in my own family, diabetes is a problem, and a big reason I keep the diet I do is to reduce my risk factors for the condition. Some nutrition experts have hypothesized that overconsumption of higher-glycemic white rice is a risk factor for communities of color developing diabetes, and recommend opting for brown rice instead. Others see this as demonizing traditional foods, and point to socioeconomic factors and other dietary factors instead. I think the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. That said, I still opt for brown rice myself. Why? In addition to the higher fiber content, its lower glycemic index means that, if we're wrong and white rice isn't a risk factor for diabetes, I won't have really hurt myself by choosing it over white. On the flip side, if white rice is a risk factor, I'll be happy to have avoided it.

That was a really long b-story to the main point, which is that this is an incredibly simple and easy to throw together dish. Literally all you have to do is just chop up an avocado, put shit into a rice cooker, and let the machine do the work for you. That's it. It's great if you work from home or if you have chores around the house to do, or if you just don't want to do shit. It's okay to not want to do shit. I fixed this for me and The Country Pat after I meal prepped eight servings of the following bad boys...

White People Burritos

Everyone knows what I'm talking about. There are tacos, fajitas, and burritos, and then there are the white people version of these things. I guess the politically correct nomenclature would be "Tex-Mex", but it's just funnier this way. I think I'm allowed to say it, right? I'm half-white. Moving on.

This is another one of those dishes where, in my case, I fibermaxed by selecting a low-carb choice for the tortillas. You can see which one I used over in my new recipe. Due to my choice of tortilla, those alone add 24 grams of fiber for two baby burritos. Again, I totally respect if someone doesn't want to do that, and they can easily opt for a whole wheat version that will give them about 8 grams. That's still really solid, given that the beans will add another 6 grams, and you get another 2 if you opt for the Beyond grounds. But let's say all you do is switch to a whole wheat tortilla and add the beans and potatoes, that's 15 grams of fiber total. The way I do it, I get 33 grams, with the goofy-ass tortillas.

What I really wanted to illustrate here was that this is totally junk food. Like, this is basically just Taco Bell. You can still eat like total shit and get fiber in your diet. Speaking of that...

Depression Pasta

So, I've been really depressed lately. As long as I can remember, I've struggled with depression and ARFID. My safe food, for my whole life, has always been plain spaghetti with either butter or olive oil, and parmesan cheese. As I became older and eliminated dairy from my diet, I replaced the parmesan with nutritional yeast. I eat a lot of this stuff when I am depressed, or when I am delusionally afraid that the food supply is tainted and going to kill me. That happens a lot these days! (All these fucking listeria outbreaks probably aren't helping.)

Simply by changing my pasta from the traditional "blue box" Barilla brand to their "protein plus" variety, I get 10 grams of fiber from one bowl of pasta. Is that a lot? No. Will that get me to 50 grams total for the day if I eat it three times in one day? Also no. However, it will get me past 25 grams, and it will also have a bit more protein. The name of the game here is harm reduction. The best way to make changes to your diet, I have always heard, is to revolve them around tastes you already have. Don't pick a new favorite food; make changes to your old favorite food. I also really like the Banza brand chickpea pasta, which is good as well if you are eliminating gluten from your diet.

Well, that was a lot of talk about food, fiber, and other things that you may have found difficult to give a shit about--so, if you have made it down this far, I congratulate and salute you. Doing this post got me to throw two new recipes up on my recipes page, so go check those out if you're interested in eating a high-fiber lunch or dinner today. I'm hoping that regular maintenance on this blog and allowing myself to post on Instagram again will help give me something interactive to do and battle this depression I've been in for a while so, with any luck, soon I'll update again. Until next time!